I hate myself. I hate being a dumb girl and getting upset over the stupidest things. All he didn't do today was spend enough time with me. Suddenly nothing seems secure when in reality, everything is the way that it was. For some reason I feel like someone I cared about had just been yanked out of my arms, except none of that happened. Today, instead of coming over to me, he waved hi to me across the street because he was late to class, when he would have usually waited for me in the dining hall, even if I were to eat with my friends. He visited me at work today, but he only said hi. And then he left. At dinner, he would usually call me and then wait for me at the door of my dorm. Today, he only called me and told me to meet up with him and his friends at the dining hall. He didn't think about saving a seat beside him so I had to sit a seat away from him. We pumpkin carved at Bible study today. Instead of sitting and talking to me, he went to play frisbee and left me with a bunch of fob girls and the girl who had feelings for him; making small talk.

Is this really what it's like?

Yesterday, he said that he thinks this week is just like honeymoon -- where the good times will end and you start to accept each other's flaws.


This is what I hate about being in a relationship: none of your feelings are in your control anymore. Every little thing he does affects the way you feel because you lose yourself and you don't know who you are without him. My heart is heavy because he didn't hold my hand. Why is that? I was fine for at least six months without anybody holding my hand. I don't need anybody to hold my hand. Why does this feel like this? Why must I feel like shit because of some boy? I dont know. I don't know anythin.